"A picture is worth a thousand words" :- This proverb has proven to be accurate and applies very well for humor. The following pictures utilize this concept to bring about your daily dosage of laughter. Enjoy!
A French teacher was explaining to her college class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
House is feminine "la maison." Pencil is masculine "Le crayon."
A student asked, "What gender is computer ?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:
- No one but their creator understands their internal logic
- The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
- Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
- As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine Le computer) because:
- In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on
- They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
- They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
- As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model
Source: FUNLOK
A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... But the least romantic second line.
Here are some of the entries they received.
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you;
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head
Oh loving beauty you float with grace;
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes;
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
I see your face when I am dreaming;
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away;
What have you stepped in to smell this way
Source: FUNLOK
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving
home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know
when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.
Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has othergirlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He
wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too..
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine
and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.
I love you!
Your loving daughter,
Rosie
Well, you all know how some mother-in-law & bride pairs are... They just don't get along (to say the least). So here is a heads up for all those brides-to-be out there; don't let your mother-in-law design your wedding invitation. This is what happens if you do; take a look. You've been warned ;)
Do you like magic? Do you think David Blaine is amazing? Well, no matter what your answers were, you are gonna love this. It is a parody of David Blaine's Street Magic. It has got both magic (well, sort of...) and humour -- what more could you ask for? ;) They've got millions of views on youtube. Check it out! You won't be disappointed.
Note: I really love the parts where he stares into the camera ;)
David Blaine's Street Magic - Part 1
David Blaine's Street Magic - Part 2
David Blaine's Street Magic - Part 3
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the same bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came, would I be standing here, dumbass?
Who doesn't like "The Simpsons"? It is one of those shows that never ceases to amaze you. It has been running for a long time and has managed to hang on to its humour throughout its journey. The following list is a compilation of some the funniest phrases uttered by some of the amusing characters in "The Simpsons". Enjoy!
“Me fail English? That's unpossible.” ~ Ralph
“Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” ~ Homer
“Maybe, for once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene’.” ~ Homer
Marge: “This is the worst thing you've ever done.”
Homer: “You say that so often that it lost its meaning.”
“Okay folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my god! A horrible plane crash! Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around!” ~ Chief Wiggum
“Operator! Give me the number for 911!” ~ Homer
“Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!” ~ Homer
“Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!” ~ Chief Wiggum
“Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.” ~ Homer
“You couldn’t fool anyone on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.” ~ Homer
“I can’t promise I’ll try. But I’ll try to try.” ~ Bart
“Damn TV! It ruined my imagination and my ability to umm’ well uh…you know.” ~ Bart
“You know, you remind me of a poem I can’t remember, and a place I’ve never been to, and a song that may never have existed.” ~ Grandpa
"Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird”, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does that do me?” ~ Homer
“I hope I didn’t brain my damage.” ~ Homer
Mr. Burns: “I suggest you leave immediately.”
Homer: “Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?”
"Eat my shorts" ~ Bart
"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson." ~ Bart
“I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.” ~ Mr. Burns
“Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.” ~ Homer
All rights reserved by "The Simpsons"TM and ©FOX Broadcasting Company.
If you loved this, then check out our Top 20 Short Funny Quotes
A collection of some of the most funniest quotes available out there. These are sure to tickle your funny bone and make you think at the same time. Take a look at what people had to say to make it into our Top 20 Short, Funny Quotes list. Enjoy!
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" – Edgar John Bergen
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." – Anonymous
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." – Whitney Brown
"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said, 'Are you going to help?' I said, 'No, Six should be enough." – Les Dawson
"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife." – Ilie Nastase
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, oh man...I could be eating a slow learner." – Lynda Montgomery
"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life." – Tommy Lasorda
"The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on." – Robert Bloch
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." – Henny Youngman
"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped." – Anonymous
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." – Henny Youngman
"I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell." – Garry Shandling
"I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming." – Jimmy Carter
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'" – Tommy Cooper
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." – Jack Handey
"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her." – Agatha Christie
"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack." – Demetri Martin
"If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, and then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!" – Milton Jones
"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house." – Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest." – Anonymous
If you loved this, then check out our Top 20 Simpson Quotes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
