Who doesn't like "The Simpsons"? It is one of those shows that never ceases to amaze you. It has been running for a long time and has managed to hang on to its humour throughout its journey. The following list is a compilation of some the funniest phrases uttered by some of the amusing characters in "The Simpsons". Enjoy!  

 

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“Me fail English? That's unpossible.” ~ Ralph 

“Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” ~ Homer 

“Maybe, for once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene’.” ~ Homer 

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Marge: “This is the worst thing you've ever done.” 

Homer: “You say that so often that it lost its meaning.” 

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“Okay folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's... Oh my god! A horrible plane crash! Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around!” ~ Chief Wiggum 

“Operator! Give me the number for 911!” ~ Homer 

“Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!” ~ Homer 

“Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!” ~ Chief Wiggum 

“Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.” ~ Homer 

“You couldn’t fool anyone on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.” ~ Homer 

“I can’t promise I’ll try. But I’ll try to try.” ~ Bart 

“Damn TV! It ruined my imagination and my ability to umm’ well uh…you know.” ~ Bart 

“You know, you remind me of a poem I can’t remember, and a place I’ve never been to, and a song that may never have existed.” ~ Grandpa 

"Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird”, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does that do me?” ~ Homer 

“I hope I didn’t brain my damage.” ~ Homer 

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Mr. Burns: “I suggest you leave immediately.” 

Homer: “Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?” 

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"Eat my shorts" ~ Bart 

"There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson." ~ Bart 

“I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.” ~ Mr. Burns 

“Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.” ~ Homer

Sources: www.thesimpsons.com, www.thesimpsonsquotes.com, www.blogzarro.com   

All rights reserved by "The Simpsons"^TM and ©FOX Broadcasting Company. 

If you loved this, then check out our Top 20 Short Funny Quotes

A collection of some of the most funniest quotes available out there. These are sure to tickle your funny bone and make you think at the same time. Take a look at what people had to say to make it into our Top 20 Short, Funny Quotes list. Enjoy!

 

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"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?" – Edgar John Bergen 

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." – Anonymous 

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." – Whitney Brown 

"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said, 'Are you going to help?' I said, 'No, Six should be enough." – Les Dawson 

"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife." – Ilie Nastase 

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, oh man...I could be eating a slow learner." – Lynda Montgomery  

"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life." – Tommy Lasorda 

"The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on." – Robert Bloch 

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." – Henny Youngman 

"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped." – Anonymous

 

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." – Henny Youngman 

"I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell." – Garry Shandling 

"I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming." – Jimmy Carter 

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'" – Tommy Cooper 

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." – Jack Handey 

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her." – Agatha Christie 

"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack." – Demetri Martin 

"If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, and then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!" – Milton Jones 

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house." – Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest." – Anonymous

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If you loved this, then check out our Top 20 Simpson Quotes